Twister, An Nutjob Fangirl, and a Shy Goth Girl (Or How I Fell in Love With Sailor Moon)

Introduction

I can still fondly remember my first episode of Sailor Moon.  It was on a Saturday mornig in early February 2001.  Dragon Ball Z had just finished on the Toonami’s “Rising Sun” block and Sailor Moon was next. I had prior knowledge of from a friend, who gave me a short run down of the series in the past

A magical school girl team run by some dumbass girl named Serena, running around Tokyo saving their city and the world from Queen Beryl or some shit in high heels and mini-skirts. (It’s been 16 years.  My memory of his summary is rather weak).

I figure that I’ll give the show a shot.  I mean, what young 11-year-old dude doesn’t wanna watch schoolgirls in minishirts and high heels?

Twister

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Hooray for clickbait images!

The episode airs.  I get a quick introduction to a sparkly Tuxedo Mask giving a short history of the Outer Scouts’ role in the past.  That was cool and all but it did not make an impact on me as the next scene: the infamous Twister game.

The game starts out normally; sans lady scientists playing in their lab coats and heels. But whatever, that’s anime for ya.

“Right hand on Blue 4”. Just a simple command for a simple game of Twister, right?  However, as soon as the woman does instructed, she makes a rather sexual moaning sound.

“Okay…? What’s going on?” I asked myself but whatever.

Next up was this cute, young, orange hair woman with glasses.  She starts ramblin’ about some track star  name Shawn,  who inspires her to win. That’s cool I guess.  I too look up to my idols for inspiration. Biggie Smalls, Tupac, and Hennessy to name a few.  It’s normal to look up to idols.

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Thank you Hennessy.  You inspire me to pretend that I like people.

What wasn’t normal was her ass soundin’ like she was having an orgasm.

In utter shock, I quickly turned down the volume on my TV. Didn’t want my parents to think that I was watching porn at 10 in the morning. As I watch this awkward scene I am asking myself   “What the fuck type of anime my friend suggested me to watch and why is this woman imagining that she’s getting dicked down by this sports dude?”

“Whatever.  Keep watching Ben.   Less than five minutes in and we have good lookin’ science ladies playin’ Fake Orgasm Twister, one with her leg up in the air! This show is great!”

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While the game of Fake Orgasm Twister was going on,  this  creepy ass science dude was peeping at all of this.  Perhaps he thought there was an orgy going down and he wanted in on the action.

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Creepy Ass Science Dude tells the Fake Orgasm Science Lady tells her about her new “Heart Snatching” mission and gives her this metal briefcase with a star on it.  As he and the rest of the ladies send her off with well wishes, Creepy Ass Science Dude declares it was his turn to play.

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I wanna work at a place where I can play Twister with some fine ladies. Ahh pipedreams…

“Creepy Ass Science Dude is a playa!” I told myself.

(Real shit, I always wanted to be like [90s anime] Dr. Tomoe when I was a kid.  Dude had beautiful women in his big ass house working for him playing Twister in his lab. You know he probably fucked the Witches 5 a few time while his kid Hotaru was at school and Kaori was away doing business. “I’m A Playa” by Too $hort is probably his theme song)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfeVI29oHp4

Two minutes of  pure nonsense and I’m already hook on Sailor Moon.   I didn’t know what was going on.  Hell, I didn’t care. This show is great!

Ahh man, young me was easily impressed by anime back in the day.  Today? Nah.

Mimete: The Nutjob Fangirl

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Ah Mimete; the ditzy, nutjob  celebrity fangirl scientist of the Witches 4.  Her goofiness carried this episode to me. Hotaru did as well (it’s her character arc after all) but more on her later.

Mimete was crazy.  I mean, wanting to kill the guy she was fakin’ an orgasm to because he inspired her.   That’s kinda nuts.   Like this woman was straight watching this dude warming up, fangirling and shit, but also planning on killin’ him.

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Like, how do you even go on to think about killing your celebrity crush ? Ya fangirls are weird.  I hope ya know that.

On top of that, this woman straight tried to kill a bunch of innocent people with her Daimon, including two teenagers and a little girl.  All because she was salty that she couldn’t get close to her celebrity crush.  Granted she was going to kill him regardless, but still.

Seriously Mimete, you need mental help.

(Also I wonder if she knew Hotaru was her boss’s daughter.  She almost got her boss’s daughter killed off her bullshit.)

Her Daimon monster confused the fuck out of me.  I was like “why is this elf looking track star got a shell on her back?  You know what? This show is already weird.  Stop asking questions.”

The Daimon’s her Heart Snatching method.   It was rather…out there.

“Do all of these Daimon monsters make out with their victims to kill them?”
“Why does she need to sit on this guy for his heart? What’s going on with this show?”

Watching the monster’s attempt to make out with her victim was awkward but hell, there was an awkward scene earlier with a Twister game.  One more ain’t gonna hurt at this point.

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When you finally meet up with the nigga who was talking that good shit on Facebook

The Daimon would meet her end by the means of flurries of mini hearts made out of pink sugar (wut?) and a giant heart made from rainbows (okay).  Mimete runs off like she just ripped off her plug, declaring she will get Sailor Moon next time. And her pesky little sister/daughter/whatever too!    I presumed she’s gonna try to kill her next celebrity crush in the next episode.

But forreal Minete was fuckin’ weird. Her monster friend was weird.  This entire episode was fuckin’ weird.

Hotaru: The Shy Goth Girl

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I hate this character.  Ask anyone who knows me.

“Wow! She’s so pretty!” I said to myself, watching the girl in all black with purple hair and eyes writing a letter to her  sports idol. Same sports idol Mimete was gushing all over.

Man, this Shawn nigga is popular!

“And she has health issues.  Maybe she has really bad asthma like I do. That’s probably why she can’t do sports.”

Less than say, what 25 seconds into this scene and I’m already got a possible favorite character right off the bat.  But then, I started asking a few questions.

“Why the fuck is she writing in the dark wearing all black though?  Is she one of those gothic people that worship Satan, mope around all depressed, and cut themselves when they’re sad? ”

Ahhh 11-year-old me was so ignorant about alternate subcultures.  I blame Christianity!

(In defense of my 11 year old self, I at least got one thing right about this character)

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Goddammit Hotaru you’re so emo. Or gothic. Whatever.

As I admired this character (as well as questioned her fashion bedroom lighting choices ) an incredibly busty woman sneaks up behind her and starts belittling the girl. She states that she’s weird for writing the letter and doesn’t have the guts to approach the dude.

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When you’re high as fuck in class and your teacher sneaks up behind you.  And you smell like a loud blunt.

“Man, her step mom’s a bitch! How could you taunt your own step daughter like that?” I mean, she was right about her not having the courage to send the letter out and everything, but still.

Kaori is a bitch.

(Of course, I would learn that Kaori wasn’t her stepmom but her dad’s assistance.)

After Kaori’s taunting session, the scene transition to the girl chillin’ with her friends, Rini and Serena.

“Okay, she has friends. She can’t be completely gothic.  Most, if not, all of them don’t have any friends.”

(To my readers who are in the  gothic subculture:  I sincerely apologize for my  baseless, stereotypical views of that subculture at age 11)

The three discuses about Hotaru’s letter, which she expressed her concern about sending the letter out or even talking to Shawn, thus  she gets discouraged. Serena brings up that they should take her to the track field and give her encouragement.

There was something about this character, Hotaru. She had shit tier health, got teased,  incredibly shy, has confidence issues, relies on her friends too heavily and she’s pretty! Just like me at that age!
It was pretty much set that this character would be my favorite in the entire series, and I was just only less than seven minutes in.  That’s good character-viewer relation right there.

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Appreciate 90s anime Hotaru’s smile cuz you ain’t gonna see her smile in the Crystal and in the original manga.  Oh yea spoilers.

(I’m pretty sure Hotaru [along with Washu from Tenchi Muyo] may have been the source of me becoming a sad lonely waifu loving otaku years down the road but that’s for another time.)

Fasting forward, the three hit the track field to meet Shun, although they kinda sorta trespassed on the field.  Shun soon approaches Hotaru and Serena, but Hotaru  just freezes up.   Despite Rini’s  rally cries, Serena’s prep talk, and committing a few trespassing crimes, Hotaru ain’t talking.

Hotaru, you disappointed everyone. Good going.

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Mimette, witnessing all of this, gets butthurt because Hotaru and Serena managed to get close to Shawn. Although Mimete was in the right by not trespassing.  Ahh haters…

In her rage, she releases her Daimon and shit happens, like The Daimon indirectly burning Hotaru’s letter from the immerse flames of her rolling a giant ball.    All that hard work, dealing with Kaori’s bullying, and the Tsukino family’s prep rally: gone.

She ain’t too pleased with that.  Holy fucking shit she ain’t too pleased.

As Mimette and her Daimon friend runs away, the Daimon spots Hotaru being a depressed gothic emo girl in her makeshift emo corner.  Concerned, the Daimon tells her if she ain’t feelin’ well she needs to go to the medical office.

(Hey, at least she has her morals.)

Hotaru blankly stares down the Daimon, eyes glowing red and straight blasts her ass across the track field like she’s on some Dragon Ball Z shit!

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If a quiet, reversed person ever gives you this look, they’re about to fuck you up. You are already dead.

“Holy shit!  Hotaru has powers too!?  She doesn’t even need to transform like Sailor Moon and Mini-Moon!  She can just fuckin’ blast these dudes like nothing! She’s so cool!”

Yea, at that point she officially became my favorite character.

After  Moon dispatches the monster, Hotaru finally meets her idol and they talk about how much their frail health sucks and Shawn gives the girl encouragements to do  whatever she wants in life.  Like complete in sports.  Or blasting monsters across a track field.  The sky’s the limit, just keep pressin’ on.

“Hotaru is so awesome and cool!” I told myself as I finished my very first episode of Sailor Moon .   16 years later, I still feel the same way

Conclusion

A goofy game of twister, a psychotic fangirl, and an emo ass gothic ass shy ass girl.   What an unusual combination of  how I feel in love with the Sailor Moon series 16 years ago. A love that is still felt to this day

Granted, I am an 27-year-old jaded adult now who knows better.  Giving this episode a retroactive reflection, the writing was pure garbage.  Nothing about this episode did anything  enhance Hotaru’s character development, and I’m pretty sure the creative staff behind this episode were on drugs while creating this episode.

Also, doesn’t Hotaru hate sports? Why would she be fangirling over a sports star?  And why did everyone acted like everything was normal after Mimete attacked them?

Nevertheless, it was the episode that I got me into the series.  I believe if I may have watched the wrong episode as my first episode, I wouldn’t gotten into Sailor Moon at all.

But forreal drugs where involved in the making of this episode.

 

REFERENCES:
https://prettysoldierproject.com/

Sailor Moon blog site where I took some of the screenshots on this post from.

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One thought on “Twister, An Nutjob Fangirl, and a Shy Goth Girl (Or How I Fell in Love With Sailor Moon)

  1. Pingback: “I Wanna Be Like Dr. Tomoe When I Grow Up!” | Weeaboo Trash Snow

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